So i wrote a majorly long post
last week about my weight loss.
But now that im trying to come out
or rather just eating healthily
just to maintain this weight
is proving difficult.
Im constantly afraid of eating
and im still secretly counting
and weighing my food.
To wrap up exactly how i feel,
here's an *article* i found today,
well except i do actually eat
and i dont starve myself.
But just everything else,
from the awareness of the disorder
but still afraid to eat,
to the measuring of everything
i put in my mouth in the article,
just absolutely describes my fear.
The boy's aunt had been diagnosed
with lung cancer and is due
for a surgery today.
It's times like this that
i really want to change
my eating regime to be healthier.
Less oil, less frying, no canned food
and trying to eat a healthy balanced meal.
I know it'll take time
but its gotta start somewhere
and i'll work on getting over this
by eating more and healthier. :')
xxx
ps: you can read a bit more detailed
on what i did on this 9 month
weight-loss journey below, if you'd like
but be forewarned that I know what ive done
is quite extreme and isnt exactly healthy.
(which i wrote halfway then stopped! haha)
Stay happy everyone! x
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what have i been doing to lose the weight
in such a short amount of time.
I didnt quite want to blog about this
until after i hit my goal
(which has been a rolling goal haha)
just in case half way thru i lost the will
and decide to put the weight back on again
BEFORE the wedding. -_-
Thank god that didnt happen! haha
Honestly,
theres no short cuts.
I watched my diet and exercised,
just like every normal person would,
except the most important thing is,
I counted my calories.
Yes. As in literally weighed my food
to every kgs and every milliliters of milk
that goes into my cereal.
I was THAT obsessed.
It started with me talking to my baby sister
who is a nutrition graduate
and she said it was difficult because mainly
of the discipline that people cant maintain it.
So i decided to challenge myself.
The first few weeks were hard,
then it stuck on like a habit
and then it became an obsession.
To the point that it wasnt healthy anymore
and I was losing weight so quickly
(and everyday in fact i was losing bit by bit)
that if you didnt see me in a week,
I could have easily lost a kilo.
There were many points of time where i was afraid
that i might be sick and tried to change my ways
but then I'd go back to the gym and run off
all those extras that i ate during lunch.
Then i started keeping secrets
(which im about to confess now haha),
I took 2 hours away on the eve of my wedding day
just to go running in the gym.
I was so paranoid about looking fat
and honestly till today,
i still cant bring myself to take a selfie
because I just cant find the right angle
that made me looked thin,
even when i was already down 16.5kgs from January.
Of course there were many times,
especially during those time of the month
where I crave for more extras
and many times i came close to giving up
because i miss eating (ie milo which i had to give up for 9 months now),
then i reminded myself that i needed to look great
and be able to fit in my gowns
and constantly remind myself with loads
of fitness motivation quotes that kept me going.
And of course,
the constant nights which the boy
wasnt able to accompany me to eat
so i just stuck to simple things
like cereal, protein shakes for dinner
and then head to bed early for another round
of early morning gym session.
I think what made it even more drastic
was when my family did the annual vegetarian for a month
for the ghost festival (7th Chinese month)
and then i decided to gym twice a day
up to 6-7 days a week as it came closer (1 month)
before the wedding.
There were many times,
I just didnt want to run anymore
but the guilt that ive built this mentality in me
burns me literally and then I'll be feeling upset
and moody for the entire day.
Every slight changes to my weight affects my mood
and it has become a burden which even the boy realises.
I remember that one point when I didnt know
that PMS causes some extra water retention weight,
and ive been craving stuff all week and yet restricted myself
but still saw weight that ive put on on the scale,
and went to a corner of the kitchen and started crying.
It was a major nightmare.
Another confession is that its secretly pleasing to hear
when people are worried for my weight loss
and telling me im too skinny.
