I was looking through every single photo on my own "picture corner" one day. And it hit me real hard, how much that I have missed home.
First I looked at the photos with Rosline and i. She was beautiful like an angel. Still wondering how can anyone this wonderful, bubbly and sweet be taken away from all of us. The more i thought about it, the more i got angry. Angry for her sudden departure, as I really still can't accept the fact that she is gone and never coming back. I looked at my mobile with the date on it. 30th September 2006. It hasn't even been two months and loads has happened. I was lost without her in the beginning. Always crying, angry. I even remembered how bad i broke down at her funeral. How upset i was to see her lying in the casket, peacefully and so beautiful. I miss her so much it hurts. and the worst part is, I will never have a second chance to tell how much i love her.
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Found this picture and Im glad that i have this. Because it contains all my love ones in it. my entire family. From my uncles and aunts, to my cousins to my sister and parents. I'm gonna miss out on so many outtings and events soon to come. For now, Im looking forward to our Christmas and New Year's outting together. aih. I miss home.
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Every memory counts.
There are too many to put up. every single one and everyone. There were many ups and downs in some of the friendships that i had. but just wanted all to know that, you have no idea how much I love and miss every single one of you. Real sorry if i couldn't make it to meet up with you before i left. My regret is unexpressable. To some of those that I have hurt in the past, I still love you and you will always be my darlings. I guess i was childish and selfish to the people i love. and im sorry. because every single one of you count.
Sorry to all those that I couldn't fit pictures of us in like, Jirwan, Allen, Ian, Imran and . It doesn't mean you all meant any lesser than the ones that are up here. i love you all very much too.
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The Boyfriend.
During dinner time sometime last week, I found out that Nils's girlfriend would be coming to visit. Yael's boyfriend is coming over on the 12th of October ( considering that if they have patched back up. they've been having a rocky relationship due to insecurity lately. saw her cry over the phone as they were arguing in Spanish. cant help to find it adorable. ;p ). Wouter's girlfriend would be coming on October 26th. What about me?!
Im not complaining. I know that there are financial difficulties. everyone has. but im sick and tired of just being married to my laptop. of just staring at a screen. im thankful for my trusty audio/webcam but it's different somehow.
Just found out, yesterday that I will be here for 3 years. and possibly next year when i finish my finals for Year 2 in June 2007, I may have to immediately start my placement job in July, depending on my employer. aih >.< I can't even get a decent holiday after my finals. to see my family, friends and the boyfriend.
had a long talk to the boyfriend yesterday, after telling him I would be here until I am 24 years old, I gave him two options. First, is for him to come here. and second, is to break up. I cant remember when was the last time I cried this bad which followed by a terrible, throbbing headache. The first option which i was fully aware that the boyfriend is not capable of doing so because of complications and responsiblities he cannot possibly leave behind. SO that means it was only left with option number 2.
He said he'd wait. and i believe he will. but the problem is... I can't. I'm not strong enough to miss out on 3-4 years of what a couple should do. I'm not capable enough to go through all those birthdays, valentines and anniversaries all on my own. I simply can't. One or two years is fine but 3-4 years?! it's too long. It isnt like Singapore to Malaysia. and it's so difficult. We talked for hours before I told him I will try to go on with it and he will help to keep me strong. aih. I'm grateful. I really dont know what i'll be like without him.
...Mum's going home tomorrow. Suddenly felt so lonely. so upset.
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I'm so thankful i have good friends here. some really irritating ones but still!
Promised Nils to go out with him since he had been bugging me for the past few days. Darling Jane who is in Birmingham, had been bugging me to go to Manchester with her to see Juan Jin and probably then I can pop by to see Kim Tat too!
ah and yes Daniel. I promise I will go out next week for a drink with you.
I have this picture to remind me of what time I have promised you at.
*Smurfff*
5 comments:
O_O *sayang* sacrafices you hav to make for some dreams. but keep it strong. like what FERGIE ALWAYS SING...
"how come everytime you come around my london...."
eh wait a minute... wrong song!
oooooOOOOOOOOoooooo
hello sheen, stumbled across your blog one day. :) hope you still remember me. (think Chris' cousin). heh! anyhoo, been reading this entry and felt that hey! i should leave a comment on this one. (i don't usually comment on ppl's blog entries, you see). it's about your relationship with the boyfriend.
long distance relationship, aye?
i'm in one too. been in one for a few years now. he's over in the states and i'm well.. here. when people tell you it's not hard, smaack them. hard. coz the actual fact is, it is hard. and it's painful and it makes you wanna call it quits every other week! at least that's what initially happened to me and him when he first left. but you know what? patience is a virtue. no harm being patient, right? the two options that you gave him, it doesn't have to be those two options only you know. things might change in time to come. circumstances might also change. so you can't really decide what's gonna happen for now. you really gotta wait. wait... and wait more.
trust me, at the end of each waiting, it is always always worth it. but then again, wait ONLY if you know that ending up with him is what you want. no relationship is a bed of roses even though we want them to be. work on it together and weather every obstacle together and i believe that at the end of the day, things will turn out even better as what you expected it to be.
with that, i wish you and him all the best and don't give up easily. take it from me: long distance relationships DO work. it just requires more work on it, that's all.
be strong.
love,
deb
jaelicious> -____- haha!
vee> >.<
deb> oh dear! HI! i havent heard from you for an awfully long time. it's like once a year i hear from ya. haha! well the thing is, i dont even know if i would ever come back becuz what if i was offered a well-paid job here after graduating? but then a friend asked me yesterday that i should sacrifice either my own career or to build my dreams to have a family. so yeah he IS that special one. and we're giving another shot since he said he'd help me go thru everything. but really thanks for the motivating advice. it was sweet. haha! we're doing much better now. thanks deary. muaxy take care and good luck to you and your dearest too. :)
hey,
ur a strong girl..
and i know u can get thru diz~
take care kay :)
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