To do or not to do? That is the question.

I've been under pressure. thinking if i should do my placement year here is stressful. There are couple of reasons that I've narrowed down to help me with my decision:

Yes. all of you can save your breath. if you were to tell me the exact same things i know the benefits placement brings, i can list a longer list than you all think and put together....

but i think I'm going home. I'm just not emotionally strong enough and i will do my third year back there if i please. So what if it was a lifetime opportunity, Ben was right. I used to think it was silly of people who get to go overseas to study and then calls home to cry about how homesick they are. I admit, i used to think that it was silly for them when they have such opportunities that others dont. I even promised mytself i will never make that same mistake. But i was wrong.

I had never been so wrong. and for the first time in my life, I learned and regretted how much home means to me. So what if placement actually helped me in my future for a faster progression in the career ladder back home? what's the point when i will dread waking up everyday for work and being unhappy... So what if it enhanced my CV? i could also do internships and join more societies & clubs back home. So what if i had to work extra harder to earn more money? Even if i was with the banking industry and had to work up to 7,8 or even 11 at night, at least i know at the end of the day, i'm not going back to an empty room... I'm going home.

Lifetime opportunity... Bah! I rather not have it. I know many of you would think how stupid this decision is but i can't afford to be away from home another two years. ( well because i thought if i were to do a placement, i will do my 3rd year here and if i dont, i just do my internships and get on with year 3 back home. ) People say 'I know how it feels', but no one truly understands the pain i go through. I'm missing out on birthdays, events, outtings which i really really miss. Looking at other people's blog just to see how home has been hurts. It feels like I'm pierced through the heart with a knife, thrusted and being left to bleed.

Learn to be independent i hear? to be strong? it's only that limit how much a person can actually change. and I'm already at my maximum.

the boyfriend had been disagreeing. i guess he too did not understand how much i need to be home. but when it boils down to just yesterday when we had another misunderstanding which followed by a heated arguement. he realised how much distance has caused us both so much pain.

I'm a homely person. I don't like partying or going out alot. maybe partially is the reason why I'm such a workaholic. ;p but this has made me become so homesick that I hate and absolutely dissed about socializing.

so i guess i have made myself clear. call me pansy or weak. sue me if i was being emo, this is my blog anyway. whatever the heck it is....

no matter what, i'm going home. :)


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Everyone's at the TBS prom!


and i'm stuck here. ish! In genting somemore! Damn.

the boyfriend sent me a text earlier that nearly made me weep.

Henn-Wei Sah
Received: 14/10/06 1931 (msian time)

B.. goin for the dinner now. Aih phone low batt...So many couples...aih. Sayang..Missing you b...Muah.

aih. can't wait for you to come home. <3