Friendships.

I knew this bunch of girls
who were the best of friends since highschool
and they were always together.

What I resented about their friendship
was even tho how close they said they were,
they still would talk behind each other's backs
about how nasty each other are.

Im only putting nasty in a polite way
so you get the drift.

I absolutely detest.

I mean for goodness sake,
why be friends when theres so many
negative things to say about each other.

Many people have this mind set,
whereby people had to stay friends
just because they were childhood friends
and it was a 'friends forever' situation,
no matter what, they would stay friends.

I hated that.

I mean.
How could you still stay friends
with friends who spoke badly about yourself.
You forgive them because you knew each other
for almost your entire lifetime?

Childhood friends grow up to be different
despite how close each other were
and some will definitely drift
as we go to separate colleges,
have new friends and boyfriends/girlfriends.

Yes, long time friends that are no longer close
but still friendship remains.

I gave up on mine.
Long. Long ago.

And I have to admit
that at times,
I'd wish to have like those
'Sex and The City' moments
with my long time girlfriends.

Especially when you jump
from one continent to the other,
I do feel the need to keep meeting new people
and making my new cliques.

Honestly, I feel lonely.

Im hanging around people
who already are in groups
and have known each other forever.

Ive recently came across this problem
and I felt like an absolute outsider.

I felt upset.

Don't get me wrong,
we're all still fine and talking
but I was really upset to the fact
that no one really understood me.

But today
as I walked in to say 'hi'
and saw her eyes swollen,
my heart tore down inside.

She cried on my shoulder
as I consoled her
but I didnt pry on her personal matters.

As much as I know
to her im the outsider in the group,
but I could still feel
the warmth of our friendship
and I appreciate that
altho its a really short time,
till I leave this country again.

And despite everything,
I just really wanted to tell her
that Im here for her
and that i love her...