October Confessions.

The whole point of having my own blog
is so that i can write whatever i want,
whenever i feel like it to.

Its been crazy for the past October month
and if you dont know yet,
ive missed out on alot of things
that i felt like writing
for the past one month.

I felt like ive lost the privacy
of this blog,
not that i dont understand
the conditions of having a public blog anyway
but ive lost its purpose.

See, it was suppose to be like a diary i talk to,
to help me on my journey
when i left my home country of 2 decades.

At the time,
it was prolly the eternal belles,
some of my cousins,
my sister and the boyfriend
who actually reads my blog.

I dont even know if the belles still do
and to be honest,
i havent heard from any single one of them
for the past few months.

So yes, where were we?

Ah. October.

Ive gone clubbing 5 nights a week,
Ive got drunk once,
Ive been betrayed and stabbed (not literally ;p),
Ive reconnected with old friends,
been making wonderful new friends,
and some really irritating ones...,
Ive heard something ive wanted to hear
for the past 2 years,
Ive been rejected twice
and broke down once.

Yes.
All within one month
and despite all those,
ive been immensely under pressure.

Im starting to think,
there may not be hope
as deadlines are closing in.

I cant believe the thought of giving up
is swimming at the back of my head.

I guess i am tired
and balancing more modules
than anyone has in uni,
plus all the job applications
are seriously wearing me out
both physically and mentally.

I cant do the whole
stay up till late
and wake up early scenes much anymore,
i can feel age dwelling upon me,
but its really funny
how people are still amazed
the fact, that i could still manage
to concentrate the next morning
after a whole long night of partying.

Right now,
I cant wait for our trip to Barcelona,
where I can learn Spanish
and have Spanish omelettes!

It's been a while since ive travelled
and im getting itchy.

Besides,
it would be my first time traveling
to a European country without family.

I promise
that no matter what
i will get to the bottom of blogging
on Barcelona when I get back.
As i never manage to finish any of my trips. >_<


For now,
im gonna read up
on a couple of handouts
before heading to bed early.

Im gonna start fresh tomorrow
and watch out people for this space,
because i cant wait to keep you updated
when I actually succeed.

Yes,
writing this makes me feel
so much better
and im so not giving up on my dreams!





Oh and it is the last day
of the month so
happy halloween, people!





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I wrote *this* 2 years ago.

Honestly,
I cant believe i wrote that! haha

It's so weird how missing home
has affected me so much
on all my decisions
and now i dont even want to go home at all!

A couple of days ago,
I was told that a friend of mine
felt the exact same way.

Homesick, lonely,
and well a LDR to handle.
(i think LDRs are root to all evil. >_<)

It might be 2 years ago
but i can still remember
how much pain it was to endear.

But i still gave it a chance
unlike her who made a selfish decision
which would prolly (in my opinion)
cause her to be more homesick.

I didnt quite understand
when people said,

"You're seriously missing out on this."

I was so blind-sided
with the fact of wanting
to go home so much
that i really didnt get it
till a year later.

I just hope you make the right choice,
my dear friend.